When Soft Music Dies
by goldengreaser
Summary: Something is lost when the heart is broken. He was not the man she had married and all though she knew this, Cherry wished she could put him back together again.
1. Chapter 1

Finally reposting this.

**Disclaimer- I do not own ****_The Outsiders_****, its text or its characters. Certain portions of this fic include quotes from the text. These quotes are not my own. **

**"Music, when soft voices die,  
Vibrates in the memory -  
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,  
Live within the sense they quicken.**

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,  
Are heaped for the beloved's bed;  
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,  
Love itself shall slumber on". - Percy Bysshe Shelley

Work had been difficult that day. Sherry had spent the majority of it nauseous and with a tension headache that had not disappeared in two years. Still, she stumbled through. As the nausea dissipated, she readied herself to go home for the evening. Sherry walked in the door and sat her briefcase down, kicking off her shoes and heaving a sigh of relief. She flexed her toes, moving her feet around in circles, thankful to be out of the heels. She walked into the entranceway and down into the kitchen. She grabbed the blue teakettle from the Maplewood cabinet and walked to the sink to fill it with water to boil. Setting the stove on medium, she placed the kettle on top with a bag of chamomile tea inside, and went to see if her husband was in his office.

The office was in the smallest room upstairs. It was a dimly lit space lined with bookshelves filled with the spines of dusty books he never read anymore and an antique desk with a typewriter that had scarcely been touched. Sherry peaked her head in. "Ponyboy?" he was not there. Sighing, she turned the lights off and walked to their bedroom, gingerly fingering a closed door to the right. He was not home.

She went back downstairs and poured her a glass of tea, grabbed a day old slice of coffee cake from the fridge and sat down. She blew on the tea and took a small sip. Sighing she prayed her husband would come home before sunrise this time, if he made it home at all. The way he drank these days, sometimes Sherry was surprised her husband could even drive.

_ A little? You call reeling and passing out in the streets a little? Bob I told you I am never going out with you while you're drinking, and I mean it. Too many things can happen while you're drunk__1_

Sherry shuddered at the memory, jarred from it as the front door slammed open and shut. She set her mug down, stood up and walked into the living room where her husband was struggling with his coat.

"Pony?" she asked, "Ponyboy." He turned to her. His eyes were bloodshot and his breath reeked of whiskey.

"Dam coat." His fingers, normally nimble were missing the silver clasps of the buttons and he tried to yank it off from the sleeves.

Sherry closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She walked closer to her husband, unbuttoned the first button of his coat, and gave him a gentle smile. "Here let me help you."

He pushed away her hands. "do it myself, not baby," he muttered still slurring.

"Pony"

He shoved her away. Sherry reeled a bit but planted her feet firmly on the ground. "I said I can do it myself." He growled.

"Fine, just fine." Sherry threw her hands in the air and left him to his own devices. She headed back into the kitchen and sat down with her mug. Sherry took a sip and sat it down, and ran her hands through her hair.

She heard loud curses coming from the living room and a crash as her husband tripped on the rug on his way to the couch. Sherry sighed. What had happened to the sweet guy she had married who loved to read books and watch sunsets, to the kid she found herself so easily able to confide in, like nobody else before. Had they really fallen so far?

_I wasn't trying to give you charity, Ponyboy. I only wanted to help. I liked you from the_

_start... the way you talked. You're a nice kid, Ponyboy. Do you realize how scarce nice_

_kids are nowadays?__2_

She loved him of course, he was her husband. She could not imagine not having him lying beside her, the sound of his voice ringing softly in her ear. The gentleness of his touch when he was sober used to send shivers of delight down her spine. He was never sober anymore. Now, she almost hated the feelings of his hands against her body.

Pony rarely got violent with her. Bob has knocked her around few times, as had her boyfriend during freshmen year of college, but Ponyboy never touched her, not when he was sober, only when he was drunk. Mostly he yelled, said hurtful things that Sherry knew he only half meant. One time though, in a fit of rage he had called her a whore, among other things, then he had pounded on her, leaving whelps and bruises. She nearly had broken her arm and he had disappeared for nearly a month. When he came back, he cried for days afterwards, begging her to take him back. She did and he had not hit her since but he still was drunk more than not and lost his temper in fits of rage. That night, they made love to one another, it was the first and only time in more than four years they had and it had been horrible.

Sometimes Sherry found it so hard to believe that the same hands that had left so many bruisers and contusions were the same hands that had once caressed her skin gently, that had written her beautiful poems that told her how much he had loved her. Oh how she had loved him then, still loved him even now.

Sherry set her mug in the sink and looked outside the small window and out to the stars. She recalled warmly their first date.

_She had been a junior in college, at Brown University, and surprised to come in the bookstore and find the ghost from her past working there. She had ignored him for years after the trial. There were to many bad memories to visit and there were already rumors all ready starting that she had a thing for hoods. Back then, Sherry had been too obsessed with her image, something she now regretted. For years, before that day Sherry had nothing to do with Ponyboy. She had heard in a roundabout way that he lost a brother in Vietnam but she'd never come with a casserole dish or sympathies. _

_So she was shocked and slightly embarrassed to see him there in the most unexpected of places. He'd gotten to be very handsome. His hair was ungreased now and back to his natural red brown. His eyes were more green now, sad and kind. He seemed just as surprised to see her as she was to see him. When after a little while he asked her on a date, more of an outing really, she was even more surprised._

_He took her off to a field at night, laid out a blanket and pulled out a basket dinner, some chicken he had made himself and some potatoes, mashed hot and fresh from a local restaurant. He provide instead of wine, two glass bottles of Pepsi. "Sorry," he had told her, "I don't drink." She only wished it was still true. _

_He was a perfect gentleman, just like that night at the drive in six years prier. He laid down on his back and pointed out the constellations in the sky, telling her stories about how they came to be. He shined brightly as they did, dimming only when he spoke briefly of his dead brother. "I miss him," he said, "I miss him every day." And she held him as he told her all of thoughts just as he had walking from the drive inn, all of his joys and his fears. And Sherry knew, she wanted to keep this feeling, the ease that came when they were together. Sherry had a horrible habit of picking the worst men for herself but she knew, knew she could fall in love with Ponyboy Curtis, was falling in love with him already. _

Sherry walked into the living room. Ponyboy was staring blankly at the television. Her heart ached for him. She walked to his side and sat down beside him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He hunched over. "Sorry," he said, "so sorry," apologizing for earlier.

Sherry kissed his cheek. "I know." She stood up and hoisted him to his feet from under his arms. "Come on, let's get you into bed." She said rubbing his back. "You'll feel better with some sleep."

"Not sleepy." He mumbled, but he was, she could tell. She kept hold of his arm, hers under his as they stumbled up the staircase. There was time when they always walked like this, steady though, as he held onto her in a crowd, whispering funny things in her ear. She used to love to bring him to business dinners with him on her arms or to go with him to a signing of one of his books. The way he would look at her and then say in front of everyone how beautiful she was made her heart flutter. He had not called her beautiful in two years.

She laid him gently on the bed, removing his shoes and socks, and then his pants. She moved his feet onto the mattress. She grabbed the quilt from the edge of the bed and placed it over his body, up to his chin. She leaned over and kissed his forehead, running her hands through his hair; he was already asleep. "Oh Pony…" Asleep he looked so young and innocent. She bit her lip. "I love you," she whispered.

Sherry walked back into the living room and leaned down to straighten the living room rug. She stood up and winced as cramps filled her stomach. Sherry eased herself off the ground and walked over to the mantel where her wedding picture stood. She smiled. Ponyboy was so handsome; He was wrapping his arms around her. She remembered his heart beat against her back, their hearts beating in time as one. She never heard his heart beat in time with her own anymore. It was as if that part of him had died.

He was not the man she had married. He did not talk to his brother though she called him often. He would never talk to his friends Keith or Steve. He called them hypocrites. Keith had stopped trying to talk to Pony eventually. _"Listen I love the kid, you know I do; but I can't see him like that."_

Steve who had been even more messed up on heroine for a time, then her husband had ever been on alcohol, came for a visit once, he was a drug councilor now. _"He's going to have to do this on his own. We can try to help but we can't make the decision for him. Call me when he decided he wants to start using his head again."_

Sherry closed her eyes and decided it was time to go to bed. She climbed next him and nuzzled against his warm body, wincing at the smell of whiskey and smoke. She hated when he smelt like that. It always made her think of Bob and thinking of Bob only emphasized just how messed up their marriage, their whole relationship really was.

Sherry leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I love you," She said again, before turning off the light.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- I do not own ****_The Outsiders_****, its text or its characters. **

**There are gains for all our losses, **  
** There are balms for all our pain: **  
**But when youth, the dream, departs, **  
**It takes something from our hearts, **  
** And it never comes again. **

**We are stronger, and are better, **  
** Under manhood's sterner reign: **  
**Still we feel that something sweet **  
**Followed youth, with flying feet, **  
** And will never come again. **

**Something beautiful is vanished, **  
** And we sigh for it in vain: **  
**We behold it everywhere, **  
**On the earth, and in the air, **  
** But it never comes again. - Richard Henry Stoddard**

She came home from work early the next afternoon after struggling for hours with the ache in her stomach and the nausea that ensued. By the time she had arrived, everything had quieted down. Just as she always did Sherry sat her briefcase down, kicking off her shoes and heaving a sigh of relief. She flexed her toes, moving her feet around in circles. Heels may have been fashionable but they were murder for the working woman.

She thought about another glass of chamomile tea but paused when she heard creaks coming from up the stairs. She pulled off her blazer and hung it on the coat rack. Sherry closed her eyes and made her way to the stairwell afraid of what she might find. Every night when she drove home, Sherry was afraid she might find her husband had left, gone from her home and life forever, or dead, a shotgun nearby, or a rope dangling from the ceiling. She was afraid that this might be the day she found the latter. She walked up and peaked in the office and into their bedroom, nothing.

Her heart raced as she looked to the door to the right. It was open. She looked inside. The room was painted pink and light rose petal curtains lined the windows. The shelves were lined with dolls collected every year for birthday and Christmas. There was a bookshelf with picture books and a few chapter readers. Then there was the bed. She found her husband lying on the white daybed, curled in a ball holding a little stuffed doll in one hand, and a book he himself had authored and illustrated in the other. It looked like he had cried himself to sleep.

Warm tears trickled down Sherry's cheeks as she saw the empty beer bottle standing by a picture frame on the white nightstand. She and Ponyboy stood behind a little girl, a beautiful little girl with big green grey eyes and wavy red hair, worn in sweet pigtails across her tiny shoulders. She stood up on her chair to blow out the four candles of a birthday cake, Her dress was white with blue lace. If Sherry closed her eyes she could still see her spinning around in circles.

_"Like a princess mommy, I look just like a princess…"_

Sherry sunk down into the floor grabbing the picture in her hands. She fingered it gingerly, lifting a hand only briefly to wipe the salty tears coming from her eyes. She looked behind her at her sleeping husband and then back to the picture. He looked so happy then, his daughter to his front and wife to his side. He was grinning ear to ear, handsome and clean shaven. Oh how Sherry would give anything to go back to that time.

She had loved their little Maggie, Maggie May they called her. She loved nighttimes when she would sit and braid her little girl's hair. She loved taking her to try on dresses or to ballet class. She loved hearing her little voice ringing like the sound of a bell, so innocent and perfect; but she knew that no matter how much she loved their little girl; it was Ponyboy who Maggie adored. And oh how he had loved her.

_ Maggie was born when she was twenty-seven and Pony twenty-five. He quit his job to write full time and stay home with the baby. He may have gotten a lot of writing done but most if it was at night. His days were spent playing with Maggie May. He had been wrapped around her little finger so tightly. He spent hours playing tag and blocks, even dolls. They would go for ice cream and hamburgers. He used to write her fairy tales about princesses, just like the one in his arms, he used to say._

Sherry sat the picture gently back on the nightstand and stood over her husband. She pushed back his hair and eased the book from his grasp and rubbed it gently. She sank back on to the floor. "Princess Anya and the Magical Lamp" It had been written just for Maggie and it was by far her favorite book. If she closed her eyes she could still hear her husband reading in a soft, quiet voice.

_"Once upon a time there was a Princess named Anya. Anya had lots of toys and games but her favorite thing was the lamp her father had given her…"_

It was the last thing Maggie had ever heard, the sound of her father reading to her. Sherry took a deep breath and wiped away the tears falling down her face. She couldn't let Ponyboy wake up and hear her cry. It would only upset him. When Maggie died, it seemed like most of her father had been buried right along with her.

_She and Ponyboy had been away at the time; Pony to a book signing in Connecticut and Sherry to a conference in LA. They had both gotten a call saying that Maggie was sick. Before either could get home she had taken a turn for the worse and the babysitter had brought her to the hospital._

_They waited for hours for any sort of news. The doctor walked out into the waiting room. Sherry stood up with the aid of her husband. Ponyboy rubbed her shoulder gently. "It'll be okay." He whispered softly. She leaned into his chest. _

_ "Can we see Maggie now?"_

_ The doctor shook his head. "I think we better talk." He said pushing open a door to his office. "Have a seat."Sherry's heart raced and she held fast to her husband's clammy hand. She looked at him. He was pale and sweaty. Despite her own worry she felt sorry for him. So much of his adolescence was spent losing the people he loved in hospitals just like this when. She prayed this would not be the case, not with Maggie. _

Sherry opened the book and read the inscription. "_To_** Maggie May, daddy's beautiful princess. I love you more and more each day".** It was almost funny how one little girl with big green eyes could turn a boy who had once been a hoodlum into a man who gushed over her, wrapped tightly around her little pinky finger. Sherry closed the book and sat it beside the picture. She stood over her husband and kissed his cheek. "I miss you Pony," she said, "I miss you both."

_"Bacterial Meningitis, if our assumptions are current we'll need to act quickly, We'll need a lumbar puncture, a spinal tap to confirm. We need your permission of course."_

_ Ponyboy squeezed her hand tightly. "Will it hurt?" Sherry's heart clinched in her chest. The idea of their little girl being sick and in pain was horrifying. What would either of them give to take it all away?_

_"I am afraid so."_

Sherry winced at the memory. It had hurt and hurt a lot but it had hurt herself and Ponyboy too. Neither could stand to see their little girl in pain.

_They were allowed to watch from a viewing window. Sherry wished they hadn't been. Maggie was strapped down and she was screaming and shaking and sobbing. She was crying for her daddy and then… She'd begun to seize just like they were told she had when her babysitter had first brought her to the hospital. Ponyboy had pushed and pulled from the doctor's grasp running to the window. "Daddy's here, daddy's here." And Sherry and followed him. _

_"Mommy's here." She yelled. "It's going to be okay."_

But it wasn't. Things were never okay again, not Maggie or her or Ponyboy, and certainly not for their marriage.

_They stayed with their daughter for three days and two nights and watched as she only got worse. Gangrene sat in and the doctor had to take her leg. "Do it, just do it." Sherry had half sobbed. Pony said nothing, just watched as the wheeled her in and out of the room. She would never be a dancer now. _

_By the second night Sherry's parents who had largely ignored the couple until Maggie had been born, angry at Sherry's choice in a husband had showed up along with Darry , Keith and Steve. Maggie could not breath on her own, her heartbeat was weak and she was not conscious. They were not allowed to be right in the room with her without dressing in a plastic gown, gloves and a mask._

_By the final night the infection had done its job. There was nothing more the doctors could do. They had to let their baby and end their marriage, go. As she lay dying Keith had ran down and gotten a copy of "Princess Anya and the Magical Lamp". She and Pony lay in the hospital bed with Maggie's limp body between them as Ponyboy read. As he read the final lines _

**_"And they all lived happily ever after…"_**_ Maggie died, bringing the best of her father with her. _

Sherry closed her eyes and taking a deep breath, pulled a cover over her husband and kissed his cheek. A person could only be broken and put back together so many times. He had lost so much, first his parents, and then the incident neither she nor him liked to think about that had resulted in the deaths of three people, then Sodapop; who Sherry knew he had loved dearly... Maggie, whose death still haunted Sherry, had been the final crack for her husband. She only wished she could fix him one last time.

Sighing Sherry got up and walked out of the room. "I miss you," she whispered silently, "both of you".


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer- I do not own ****_The Outsiders_****, its text or its characters. Certain portions of this fic include quotes from the text. These quotes are not my own. **

**"I would die for you. But I won't live for you." **  
**― Stephen Chbosky, ****_The Perks of Being a Wallflower _**

It was evening and Sherry was fixing dinner before her husband came down the stairs. She forced a smile on her face. Sometimes she preferred the drunken Ponyboy to her husband when he was nursing a hangover.

"I'm making your favorite." She said. Her stomach grumbled. "Chicken and potatoes."

"I'm not hungry." He said walking past her, toward the coat rack in the living room. "I'm going out."

_To get drunk_. Sherry finished silently to herself. Her heart raced and she grabbed her stomach. 'Wait." She said. It was now or never. She had to do it. "I have something to tell you."

"Whatever it is I don't want to hear it," He said, shoving past her.

Sherry reached out her hand. "Pony…"

He was stalking out the door. Sherry closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant Pony."

He stopped dead in his tracks and slowly turned around. "You're what?"

Sherry shook her head. "I'm pregnant Pony. We're," she sobbed, "we're going to have a baby."

His hands balled into fists and slacked them into the wall leaving a crack. Sherry backed toward the kitchen pantry.

They had talked about having another child when Maggie had still been alive and they both loved the idea but after she had died they had dropped it. There was too much pain, too much anger. If Sherry had not been away on a business trip, Pony on a book tour. There would have been no baby sister. Maybe they would have gotten Maggie to the hospital sooner; maybe they would still have their little girl. It was something that haunted her to this day and it was killing her husband.

Pony stood there a moment, in silent shock, but then his face began to turn red. He shook his head and balled up his fists. "You little whore. You think," He pounded at the wall again. "You think you can just have another baby and you can replace her. You think you can have another kid and we'll be just one big family again, that everything will be okay again and we'll be happy. Well sorry to burst your bubble…" He walked out the door, slamming it as he went.

Sherry backed against the corner and fell to her knees wrapping her arms around herself. She recalled how different things had been when she was pregnant with Maggie.

_"A baby?" Ponyboy asked tossing his head to the side. "I'm going to be a dad?" When Sherry nodded he laughed. He grabbed her around the waist and spun her around. Pony sat her down and wrapped his arms around he caressed her lips with his and they shared a long, wonderful kiss. "I love you." He said softly._

_She pushed back some hair behind his ears. "I love you too," she kissed him again, "daddy."_

Sherry bit her lip and sniffled. The phone rang and she eased herself off of the floor, walking to the receiver. "Curtis residence."

She gulped. 'Hello Darry," she paused, "Yeha I told him." "No, he didn't take it too well." "Yeha he left." "I know, I know. It will take time." "I'll be sure to tell him, bye." Sherry hung up the phone and went to bed, praying for a miracle and dreaming of her family.

_Ponyboy kissed her neck and leaned on top of her. "You're beautiful." He said. She laughed. He kissed the other side of her neck and then tickled her side. She giggled and turned over laying on top of him now. She tickled his side. "Gottcha." _

_Tiny footsteps echoed in the hall. "Mm." she kissed his cheek. "We have a visitor."_

_Maggie walked in clutching her stuffed dog, Waggles. "What are you doing?"_

_Sherry repressed a giggle. "We're, we're…"_

_Ponyboy laughed. "We're playing."_

_"Can I play too?" Maggie asked. Sherry looked at her husband and she winked. _

_"If you can help me get daddy." She answered turning to Ponyboy and tickling his ribs again. Maggie jumped on the bed and they laughed into the night. _

Sherry woke up to the pounding of the front door. She ran out of the room and rushed down the stairs, quickly tying her robe before she nearly tripped on the last step and stumbled to the front door. "Hello?" She opened up.

A police officer had her husband by the cuff of the arm. "I think this belongs to you. Found him wandering drunk around the park. Next time I'll have to take him in." He shoved her husband forward and Ponyboy stumbled. Cherry grabbed his arm and held him steady.

"Thank you officer, I will." The door slammed and Ponyboy pushed out of Sherry's grasp. She stumbled and fell against the coffee table with an oomph, clutching her stomach.

_"The baby"_ She could not lose this child, not her baby not again. Not even for Ponyboy, she could not do it.

"Sherry, I…"

Her heart was breaking. She did not want to break her husband's heart. She did not want to live a life without him. She once had been a strong, feisty woman, she'd even burned her bra college but when it came to men…

_"He killed Bob, oh maybe Bob asked for it. I know he did but I could never look at the person who killed him. You only knew his bad side. He could be sweet sometimes and friendly. But when he got drunk…"_

Ponyboy had been sweet once and friendly but when he was drunk, he was mean, unpredictable. He had only been violent twice now but that did not say the times would not be doubled. And if she had to choose between them it would have to be the baby because if Ponyboy was anywhere near himself he would choose the same. He had been such a wonderful father he loved Maggie so much. If only he could love this new baby just as much.

_"Pony has a hard time dealing with death and it just gets worse everytime. I know your hurting Sherry, I don't even want to think how hard you have it right now, but you're strong in ways he isn't." _

She took a deep breath."I'm leaving you." She winced and stood up. "and I'm taking our baby with me." The world stopped and for a moment, neither spoke.

"You're, you're what?" Ponyboy asked and Sherry stood her ground thinking of the phone call she had shared with Darry,

_"I love my brother Sherry, more than anything. I know you love him too but you have to do what's best for you and the baby. You've already lost one child, if Ponyboy loses control of himself, I'd hate for you to lose another."_

"I said I'm leaving you." Sherry forced the tears that were threatening to fall back into her eyelids. "I'm leaving you Ponyboy, the baby; the baby and I are leaving."

Ponyboy backed up towards the door and spread out his arms. "No. no. You can't just leave. Sherry?, Cherry…"

_"You little whore. You think," He pounded at the wall again. "You think you can just have another baby and you can replace her. You think you can have another kid and we'll be just one big family again, that everything will be okay again and we'll be happy. Well sorry to burst your bubble." He walked out the door, slamming it as he went. _

He had not called her by that nickname since Maggie had died. It had been a little piece of their past that they carried with them, a reminder that something terrible could become something wonderful. She closed her eyes. She wondered if the significance was lost on him this time. She wondered if things could become wonderful again She grabbed her stomach and opened her eyes once more took a deep breath. "Let me go Ponyboy."

His arm shook and he clumsily opened the door. "Fine, Go, just go"

As she walked past him the tears began to fall. She could make a life for herself and the baby, She could learn to love it as much as she had loved Maggie. Like Darry told her….

_"I'm scared. I can't do this, I can't. Not another baby. I can't do this and Pony…." He had been silent for a moment before he finally answered her. _

_"You talked about having another kid when Maggie was still alive didn't you."_

_Cherry half sniffled and gulped back snot. "Yeha," she sniffled again, "she really wanted a baby brother."_

_"And if you had that kid would it make you love Maggie analyses."_

_Cherry leaned against the glass of the phone booth. Her lip trembled and she shook her head, a gesture she knew was lost over the phone. "No," she paused, "Off course not. I would love that baby just as much as I love Maggie and I'd love her just the same. She was my baby. How could I not?"_

_"And mom and dad were the same way. They loved me and Pony just like they loved Soda. You think that would have changed if they lost one of us? I love Soda now just as much as I loved him then and just as much as I love Pony now. They're my brothers. And these are your kids. You don't replace people you lose."_

She could love this baby and still have enough room left over for Maggie and Pony, if he ever came around. She could move on but she knew she would never be completely happy and whole. Not without Ponyboy, leaving him was the hardest thing she ever had to do.


	4. Chapter 4

Sherry stayed at a hotel for two days, living off the cloths on her back. She had only a

little bit of money on her and no credit card because neither she or her husband, when he was sober,

liked the idea of spending money they did not already have. So she chose a cheap motel with creaky beds and a rusty shower. She did not get a wink of sleep all weekend, and if the pregnancy had made her nauseas before, it was nothing compared to the stench coming from the brown-stained toilet.

She came home Sunday, only to grab some of her things. She did not expect her husband

to be there. If he was true to form, Ponyboy would be at a bar getting drunk off of his ass or gambling away what little pocket money he had on him. He wouldn't be back until late. Even if he was home he would be passed out drunk in Maggie's room or theirs, asleep, nursing a bad hangover. It never changed with him, not since they had lost their daughter.

Disheveled and rather tired, she opened the door. The house was quiet. It was always

quiet now, save the sound of yelling that filled the night. Sherry missed the laughter, the sound of

her husband's fingers grazing his mother's piano, his rich tenor singing lullabies to their

daughter. She missed her daughter's tiny voice joining in, so very off key, but angelic none the less.

Sherry flicked on the light and looked at the wedding picture on the fireplace mantel. The happy

couple in the picture was no more, their hearts did not beat together anymore and it was breaking Sherry's.

She rubbed her stomach. "It's okay, Mama just misses your Daddy. We're going to be okay."

There was another picture on the mantel, one of Maggie and Ponyboy. His arms were around Maggie as she was wearing a light pink dress, a father daughter dance thrown by Maggie's dance class. He looked so young there, almost as young as the first night Sherry had met him, and all the more happier.

He'd aged so much these past two years that he was barley recognizable as the man in the photo.

"_I'm gonna have me a date with daddy." Maggie grinned and ran to grab her shoes. _

_Watching Maggie leave, he turned to Sherry and grabbed her in his arms. "I just hope you won't be jealous." _

_Sherry kissed him tenderly. "I think I'll live." "Eww, gross." They turned around and Ponyboy looked over Sherry's shoulder. He laughed and let her go. He ran after Maggie and lifted her up in his arms and began kissing her all over her cheeks as she giggled and giggled. _

Where was that man, the man who adored his wife, the devoted loving father? Where was the romantic husband who could sweep her off her feet with just one smile? Sherry would indeed live her life and love her baby. She would try to move on but things would never be the same. Not without her and not without him…

"_You think you can just have another baby and you can replace her. You think you can have another kid and we'll be just one big family again, that everything will be okay again and we'll be happy. Well sorry to burst your bubble." He walked out the door, slamming it as he went. _

Sherry sighed and looked down at her slightly enlarged belly. "He wants to love you, " she said caressing her belly, "somewhere inside he wants to love you but he just doesn't know it yet, he just doesn't know how." He was so angry so bitter. Sherry grieved, she blamed herself for not being home when Maggie first had gotten sick, wondering if maybe she could have done something different. But Sherry had muddled through, but Ponyboy… Sherry wondered if would ever move on. How much loss was too much?

She walked up the stairs to pack a suitcase. She stepped into the bedroom and paused at

the thresh hold. She turned her head. Was the office door been open, and the light on? She shook

her head and walked back down the hall. Pony's office door was indeed open and the light was on. She peaked inside. There was a can on the table. She walked over and picked it up. It wasn't a beer. She put her hand to her mouth. The red and blue of the Pepsi symbol was unmistakable.

"_I'm not much of a drinker." Ponyboy said pulling out two Pepsi bottles on their first date. "but I drink Pepsi like an addict.: he laughed and handed her one of the bottles. "Darry used to say half our grocery bill must have been chocolate and Pepsi." _

Her lower lip trembled as she picked up the empty bottle. She held it to her bosom and looked at the typewriter. She pulled out the paper, it was a poem. Ponyboy had not written anything since Maggie's death. Sherry sank down into the chair and read.

For Cherry-

_**What should I say that has not been said**_

_**Words that would leave me breathless**_

_**My soul left for dead**_

_**For who in this world can divulge the restless spirit**_

_**With sweet release of the toil spun around thy own head**_

_**For ever a catharsis to cleanse and fill**_

_**For words my dear could not do me thus**_

_**So only in silence can justice I bring**_

_**To my feelings abound and a many**_

_**For my love cannot be measured by tool of mortal man's hand**_

_**Thy praises I could no more sing then to fall flat with each note I bring**_

_**Such is my love for thee**_

_**Most convoluted and complex like a riddle within my head**_

_**My soul nor my song could do justice and so in silence I do leave**_

_**In hopes my dear that thou would find my heart worthy for loving thee**_

"Oh Ponyboy…" He used to write her poems all the time; little limericks to be found on her pillow before they made love or a little lyrical before work, a villanelle for her birthday. Maybe it was because he had not written anything in two years or maybe it was because she had missed him so. Either way she could not ignore one aching fact. He had never written something this beautiful before.

"You, you found it?" Sherry turned around and dropped the can She flinched, startled.

Ponyboy was shaking slightly and he had bags under his eyes.

"Yes," she said, "I found it."

Ponyboy's ears turned red, like they did on their wedding night, like they did every time he was nervous or embarrassed. "I was hoping I'd be gone by the time you found that."

Gone? Cherry felt her heart stop.

"Ponyboy you weren't going to, to…" She couldn't even finish her sentence. The old image of her husband dying on the floor or hanging from the ceiling came suddenly unbidden.

He shook his head, rubbing the back of his head. His stubble stood out in the dim light and he looked as if he had slept even less than she had. His eyes were sunken in and dark circles rimmed the edges. "No," his eyes widened, "No, never. It wouldn't do any good. No, I've been doing some thinking and I'm checking myself into a rehab center in Tulsa, I called Steve and he's going to help me get straightened out."

Cherry's lower lip trembled. "What brought this on?"

Ponyboy leaned against the wall. He folded his arms, right fingers trembling. "Man I

wish I had a weed." He sighed; again running is hands through his disheveled hair.

"When we lost Maggie I didn't think anything would be okay again. Death has a way of following me around so I just wanted to forget, lose myself. If I lost myself then I wouldn't be losing anyone else, or at least numb myself enough that I'd never feel anything again. It didn't work." He looked so pale and thin there, fragile enough to be blown over by a small gust of breath. She had not seen him look so pitiful and sad in a long time, almost as if he had stopped hiding behind a mask of drunkenness. It was sobering.

Cherry walked over and stroked his cheek. "Oh Pony…"He unfolded his arms and grabbed her hand in his, still trembling.

"I don't know if I can be a dad again, I'm just no ready yet. I don't know if I can go

through that again." He looked at her with red rimmed eyes. "I've lost almost everyone I love and this weekend I realized I'm losing you too. Soda told me once that there were only two ways of knowing you've found the perfect girl, no woman, for you."

He paused and let go of Cherry's hand. "…the moment you meet her or the

moment you lose her. That night at the drive inn, I think somehow I knew even then. Then

Friday when you walked out the door…I just can't do it, I can't live without you. I can't be alone like that again. I'm not ready to be a father again but I'll try."

_Ponyboy laughed as he climbed next to her in bed "You know you have this way of _

_getting everything out of me? How do you do it?" She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Wouldn't you like to know…" _

There was the man she had married, the man she loved. But, as happy as she was as much as she wanted to forgive him and be a family again she knew she wasn't ready. Even though she loved him, even though she needed him, it would take time.

"I don't know Pony, I love you. You know I do, but a lot has happened. We're going to have to take things slow. Check yourself in at that clinic we'll see what happens from there."

Pony nodded. "Ya, Ya I understood." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. He looked down at her stomach and put his right palm to it. "I'll try."

Cherry's lower lip trembled and she kissed his cheek. That was all she could ask for.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer- I do not own ****_The Outsiders_****.**

**This is the terminal: the light**  
**Gives perfect vision, false and hard;**  
**The metal glitters, deep and bright.**  
**Great planes are waiting in the yard**  
**They are already in the night.**

**And you are here beside me, small,**  
**Contained and fragile, and intent**  
**On things that I but half recall**  
**Yet going whither you are bent.**  
**I am the past, and that is all.- Yvor Winters**

Early the next morning,Steve was there to take Ponyboy back with him to Tulsa. He said it would be best if Sherry didn't come. He would be in isolation the first week and even if he wasn't, withdrawal was hell. She didn't need to see him like that.

It was awkward, saying goodbye. She knew she would not see her husband again some time. They would both be alone and it scared her. The house had seemed empty and cold before but now,she wasn't sure she was going to take it, how Ponyboy would.

His whole demeanor spoke volumes: nervousness, sorrow, regret, it was all there. He still admitted to her that he did not know how well he was going to take to be a dad again. It felt wrong, not to lose his own child but it also felt wrong to replace the one they loss, even though Sherry knew deep down, he knew that wasn't the case.

As she hugged him goodbye, at the airport, she took in how thin, how gaunt he had become. He looked sickly, with bags under his eyes and bones sticking out from under a thin shirt. His pants hung loosely from him and his hair was in desperate need of a cut and shave. He reminded Sherry of Steve,before he had kicked his own addiction to heroin after the war. She could tell Steve must be thinking just about the same thing because behind her husband, he gave her a sad sort of grimace.

When she let go of her husband, Steve slapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Don't worry Sherry, I'll take good care of him. Old Superdope would kill me if I didn't." For the first time, in a long time, Sherry found a smile curling around her husband's lips, and a nervous laugh following it. She knew he was imagining Darry's face, turning red and angry, Steve running from the door.

Years ago, her husband had told her that his oldest brother was hard as a rock and could not stand him. Of course now they both knew that nothing could be farther from the truth. Darry was the biggest mother hen, Sherry had met in her life. She found it rather sweet,the way he looked after his brother, and her, always so concerned. In a way, he was the one to thank for what was happening now. If he hadn't have told her to leave, then Ponyboy may never have gotten the push he needed to get only hoped it was enough to get him to stay that way.

He'd always been there for them. When they were first starting out, he had offered them a room at his place and then when Maggie... Sherry remembered the way he had held Ponyboy, alone, in the office,, when neither thought Sherry could see, the first time husband had broken down. There was no way he would let Steve get away with giving Ponyboy the best care he could,at the rehab center he worked for part time. Then again, she didn't think Steve would either.

And so, she kissed her husband goodbye, ready to face the next few months, alone...

**Sorry for the incredibly short chapter, the next will be longer, I promise...**


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